clinton allen buhs

A year and a half since Day Two. So much for my dedication to writing.

Today, Adrien was a big girl. Not in the sense that she uses the toilet, or puts on her own pants, or drinks from a cup with no lid, all of which she does. This evening, while reading Green Eggs and Ham to her and Evan, she was big. I can't explain it. Her face wasn't what it was yesterday. Her mannerisms are different. Some of it is emulation of Evan. Some of it is all her. She's an older, still tiny, person. It shocks me and saddens me. It also makes me deeply proud. How many emotions can your child inspire at once, and unintentionally?

I push it all away by giving them simultaneous tummy tickles. They're gasping with laughter together. I'm supposed to be calming them down for bedtime.

Evan has aspirations of being one of the older neighborhood kids. He's ahead of his years in some respects, yet he still screams the most awful sounds when he doesn't get his way. I certainly understand that emotional maturity comes along at its own pace, heeding no mind to the intellect. They simply ignore each other. One moment, a small person doing remarkable mental acrobatics, the next, a small child not knowing how to vent his frustration or express his desires. Weariness or hunger almost guarantee the latter. He's his dad's son. Still, if I keep him fed and rested and busy at something that interests him, he's the most incredible kid. He's polite and helpful, and astoundingly observant. He'll exceed my hopes, I have no doubt, because I really only hope he's satisfied in his chosen life.

I'm trying to bring out the alphabet books and games for Adrien. She's going to be three in three months. Evan knew his alphabet by that age, and he knew the letters and their sounds. He ended up reading his first words before that birthday. Adrien simply isn't interested. She knows her alphabet because it's a song. She loves to sing, and often seems to be making up her own songs to fit the context of her day. She's as smart as he is, but her interests lie elsewhere. I only want to make sure I'm presenting the more academic ideas to her as well as nurturing her artisic side. I hope she develops the assertiveness to reach her potential. I think she will.

Evan's the opposite. He won't utter a single note in song if he knows someone's watching. On rare occasions I'll hear him in another room, humming or singing part of a theme song. He clams up tight if you walk in, though.

I'm working again after an entire year of being laid off and working mostly from home. I grew very accustomed to being with them full-time. Now, I'm gone before they get up. I need to consciously commit to spending time with them after work, when I'm swamped with chores and other projects. I sometimes get to bed regretting that I gave them too little time. Gotta work on that.